My first problem with leadership was not leading others.It was an accepting authority.
Very few are willing to lead themselves.
In my life, I had the privilege of being exposed to leadership, authority, and being led by others at a very early age.
At its core, leadership is nothing more than guidance, whether you are leading yourself or leading others.
My first experiences with authority at home were not the best.
I struggled to accept authority simply because someone said so. If there was no reason or meaning behind it, I could not accept it.
I remember the sentence my mom said, “because I said so,” as one of the most difficult things I have heard.
Even today, I do not like hearing it, although I now understand that people do not always explain their decisions, and that does not necessarily make them wrong.
My mother had a lot of trouble with me.
Especially with how difficult it was for me to accept authority.
I pushed her constantly.I did not give in.
And when she was already about to grab something to punish me,I would suddenly start crying, laughing, and feeling everything at once,
just to avoid the punishment.
And you would not believe it,but many times, it actually worked.
So I have to admit,I was not the most obedient child.
Stubbornness was my constant companion.Sometimes in a good way,sometimes not.
As a child, however, I did not understand that.
My relationship with authority was, from early on, filled with internal conflict.
Police leadership training
My first real collision with the external world came later with the police. The organization in the 1990s was highly hierarchical, and I never accepted hierarchy for its own sake.
This quickly led to tension with superiors, who often relied on positional authority instead of substance.
At the same time, early signs appeared that I would one day step into a leadership role myself.
That happened relatively quickly.
At 23, I was already leading people.
First in the field and later as a deputy unit leader, managing a team of around 30 people.
Leading individuals who were often older and previously my superiors was not easy.
Slika 7-2
The system was demanding, the unit was growing, and the challenges were constant.
At that time, I led mostly intuitively, without a deeper understanding of what leadership truly is.
Looking back today, I see that I had enough sense for people, self-reflection, and practical judgment to navigate leadership relatively well. Don’t get me wrong, I was green, untrained, and without any experience. But I survived or managed somehow.
These were my beginnings in leadership, which later continued in law and the private practice, where I led my own team for nearly 20 years.
You can not lead others before you can lead yourself
Over the past 30 years of leading, I learned one thing above all.
I had to learn to lead myself first.
It took years, maybe even decades, to fully understand this.
Before you can lead others, you need to manage and guide yourself.
Fortunately, over time, books and education in this area became more available.
Today, this knowledge is accessible almost everywhere.
And I would recommend it to anyone who is in any way connected to leadership.
There is one important point to make.
You do not have to lead others to lead yourself,
But;
If you ever want to lead others, you have to first learn to lead yourself.
There is simply no other way.
What Self-Leadership Really Means (Beyond Motivation)
Centuries ago, great thinkers already understood one thing.
A person who masters their mind masters everything.
Most processes, both internal and external, occur in our minds and bodies.
Our inner experience is usually the result of triggers, either coming from the outside environment or from within.
The human mind is one of the most complex systems we have. Even today, it is not fully understood.
This lack of understanding often creates problems.
Problems in how we manage ourselves, how we lead ourselves, and even more, how we lead others.
And leading others carries responsibility.
A responsibility that grows proportionally with the size of the group or organization we lead. The more people we lead, the greater the responsibility.
The greater the responsibility, the higher the level of knowledge and self-awareness should be.
In reality, however, it is often the opposite.
Many people end up in leadership positions for various reasons, including circumstances or being hardworking and reliable.
But a good worker is not necessarily a good leader. Just like a good football player is far from automatically becoming a good coach.
Coaching, or leadership, requires much more than knowing the game.
Many coaches come from the field. But coaching still has to be learned.
The same applies to leadership.
One of the first mistakes a leader can make is having double standards.
One standard for themselves, and another for others. This means saying one thing and doing another.
Or treating people differently without a clear reason.
In other words, it favors some and ignores others. It becomes even more problematic when the leader is not aware of it. When it happens automatically or subconsciously.
This creates division and insecurity inside the organization.
Another key element of self-leadership is this.
A leader should be primus inter pares, first among equals.
The moment a leader becomes a despot, a general, or an autocrat, something shifts. Leadership then comes from power, not from character.
True leadership comes from presence, from integrity, from who you are.Not from the position you hold.
One of the strongest historical examples of this kind of leadership is Mahatma Gandhi.
He taught what he lived.
And in many ways, he was more humble and more disciplined than the people who followed him.
That is why people trusted him.That is why they followed him.
Not everyone can reach that level.But it remains a powerful direction.
Modern leadership thinkers, such as Simon Sinek, describe this in a similar way.
A leader is the one who goes first.The one who takes responsibility first.The one who does not step back when things get difficult.
The Qualities of Self-Leadership
Beyond Motivation
Motivation is important.But it is not enough.
Self-leadership is not built on motivation alone.
It is built on structure, discipline, and consistency.
The moment you think you have mastered self-leadership, you have already lost it.
As Kevin Trudeau once said, “The moment you think you got it, you don't have it, you lose.”
Self-leadership requires constant growth.How leaders choose to learn is a personal decision.
There is no single path.
But one thing is certain.
Self-leadership is the foundation of all leadership.Whether you lead a family, a small team, or a large organization.
Why Most People Fail to Lead Themselves
Why Most People Fail to Lead Themselves
1. Lack of Awareness
We have talked about awareness and self-awareness many times before.
And here again, awareness is the starting point.
It gives us insight into where we are.And where we want to go.
If we operate unconsciously,if we lead ourselves on autopilot,problems are inevitable.
If we do not reflect,if we do not observe what is happening inside us and around us,those problems multiply.
Everything in self-leadership starts and ends with awareness.
Awareness of patterns.Awareness of mistakes.Awareness of triggers.
Understanding what influences us.
External situations.Internal reactions.
All of this creates the foundation for improvement. Self-leadership is, in many ways, self-discipline. A continuous process of identifying weaknesses and working on them.
And this is not a short-term task.It is a lifelong process.
2. Emotional Reactions Override Decisions
Most people believe they make decisions.In reality, they react.
Emotions often come first.
Decisions come later, usually as justification.
Stress, fear, ego, the need for validation,all of these shape behavior more than logic.
A person may know exactly what they should do.
And still not do it.
Because in the moment, emotion is stronger than intention. This is where self-leadership breaks down. Emotional reactions are rarely random.
They are connected to past experiences.
Old patterns.Old stories.Unresolved situations.
These become triggers.
And when a trigger is activated,the reaction is often automatic.
It feels real.It feels justified.
But it is not always aligned with reality. Without awareness of these triggers, people repeat the same reactions.
The same mistakes.The same patterns.
Self-leadership requires a pause.
A space between stimulus and response.
The ability to notice what is happening.
And choose, instead of react.
3. No Structure, Only Intention
Many people have good intentions.Very few have structure.
They want change.But they do not have a system.
Without structure,self-leadership becomes unstable.
It becomes reactive.Inconsistent.
Like a sailor without a compass.
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Moving through unpredictable waters, without a clear direction. Not knowing where they started.
And even less, where they are going.
Structure creates clarity.
It defines direction.It creates boundaries.
It removes daily negotiation.
This is where frameworks like the One-Year Master Plan become relevant.
Not as a rigid system, but as a tool.
A way to connect goals, effort, and structure.
To move from intention to execution.
Because without structure,even the best intentions collapse over time.
4. Avoidance of Discomfort
People avoid discomfort.
Even when they know it is necessary.
Difficult conversations.Hard decisions.Uncomfortable truths.
Instead of facing them, they delay.
They rationalize.They distract themselves.
This creates stagnation.
Growth requires discomfort.Change requires tension.
But most people choose short-term comfortover long-term progress.
They stay in familiar situations.Even when those situations are not good.
Self-leadership means moving toward discomfort.Not away from it.
5. Identity Gap
Many people do not see themselves as leaders.
Not even of their own life.
They wait for better conditions.
For more time.For more confidence.
They postpone responsibility.
This creates a gap.
A gap between who they are, and who they could be. Self-leadership starts when this changes. When a person stops waiting. And starts taking ownership.
Not because everything is clear.But because they decide to act anyway.
Leadership is not a title.It is a decision.
And that decision always starts within.
From Inner Discipline to External Influence
Self-leadership is the foundation of influence.
Inner structure, alignment, and coherence always show on the outside.
This is important to understand because a person who is internally calm, confident, disciplined, and structured will naturally have a strong external influence.
You have probably already met someone like this.
A person who is quiet, calm, not the loudest in the room, and yet carries a strong presence and influence over others.
These are often great teachers, mentors, or gurus who, over time, have developed wisdom.
They do not need to prove themselves.
They radiate inner stability and strength. Real confidence does not belong to the loudest person in the room.
It belongs to the one who can express the essence of an entire conversation in a single sentence.
One sentence that changed the case
I remember a situation from my time as an attorney.
I was representing a client in a negotiation over an unpaid invoice, and I spent a significant amount of time crafting a response to the opposing attorney.
In the end, my answer was just one sentence.
What surprised me most was my client’s reaction.
He told me, “This is an excellent sentence, perfectly written.
But I can see you spent a lot of time thinking about it.” And he was right.
That one sentence required time, focus, and clarity. But it was strong, precise, and it achieved the result we wanted.
Even today, ten or fifteen years later, that same client still sends me a Christmas card. He remains one of the clients I remember most, because he recognized the effort and the depth behind something that looked simple on the surface.
That is why your internal state matters so much.
Your inner alignment, your discipline, and your wisdom will always express themselves outwardly.
In how you lead yourself, and in how you lead others.
Lead others with self-leadership
People may follow a position for a while.But they follow character over time.
They notice how you show up, how you react under pressure, and how stable you are when things are uncertain.
This is where your self-leadership becomes visible.
Your energy matters.Your presence matters.
Leadership is not about control.It is about influence.
Control relies on pressure and authority.Influence is built on credibility.
People do not follow what you say.They follow who you are.
It transfers to the people around you.
And that is where self-leadership becomes external leadership.
