You can understand the mind in theory. You can learn definitions, concepts, psychology, philosophy, meditation, and different techniques. But understanding your mind and actually working with it in real life are two completely different things.
The main reason is simple. Your mind isn’t separate from you.
You think inside it.
You experience your life through it.
Your thoughts influence how you see your work, your relationships, your problems, and even yourself.
And when life becomes demanding, when there is too much work, too many responsibilities, problems at home, financial pressure, children, parents, relationships, and decisions to make, the mind can become almost impossible to switch off.
You keep thinking, analyzing, solving, worrying, and replaying situations long after there is anything useful left to do.
So how do you stop overthinking and calm your mind?
The first step is not trying to stop your thoughts. It is understanding where they come from and learning to observe them.
Your Thoughts Do Not Appear in Isolation
Think about a wave in the sea. A wave may look independent.
It may be strong or weak, large or small, but the sea, the wind, and the currents still shape it.
Your thoughts work the same way.
You think you control them, but in reality, external circumstances and our habits, values, etc., shape our thought patterns.
We are less independent in our minds than we would like to be, or worse, than we think we actually are.
From Understanding Your Thoughts to Practicing Steadiness
Understanding your thoughts is one thing. Learning to create some distance from them and bring more steadiness to your mind is another.
This is where practice begins.
In the video below, I explain what Patanjali means by practice and steadiness of mind, and how you can practice it even in ordinary situations, such as sitting alone in a coffee shop.
Your past, your family, your education, your environment, your experiences, and the people around you shape who you are. Yet most of the time, you do not question this. A thought appears in your mind, and because it is your thought, you automatically experience it as true.
This is where the real problem begins.
Most people don’t even realize how conditioned their minds are.
You probably know people like this.
A boss who is always right.
A partner who never questions themselves.
Someone who believes there is only one correct way to see a situation.
But the same thing can happen to all of us.
The question then becomes: Is this thought really mine, or did it came from somewhere?
From my parents?
From school?
From society?
From past experiences?
From the people around me?
When you start asking these questions, you may slowly realize how much of what you think isn’t as unquestionably yours as you once believed.
When Overthinking Becomes a Problem
For many years, I was actually proud of how my mind worked.
I analyzed everything.
Personal situations, business decisions, financial questions, and even the people around me. My mind worked almost like a program, constantly processing information, searching for patterns, and looking for solutions. I believed this was one of my strengths.
Then, at one point, a friend said something I didn’t like hearing.
He said, “You might have a problem called paralysis by analysis.”
At first, I rejected the idea completely. But later, when I looked at it more honestly, I realized there was a lot of truth in what he had said.
Constant thinking was not only helping me. It was also creating stress, internal tension, and a kind of mental exhaustion that I had not even noticed before.
At the same time, this way of thinking had clear advantages. I could understand situations very quickly and often see possible solutions almost immediately. That was one reason I was good at my work as a lawyer, negotiator, mediator, and later as a coach. Not because I knew everything, but because my mind had been trained to analyze situations and connect things quickly.
When a Strength Becomes a Weakness
The real problem appeared somewhere else. The solutions were good from my perspective, logical, structured, and clear. But for others, they often didn’t work the same way.
Many times, I heard, “This is a great idea,” but the realization did not follow, especially when someone else had to execute it. That’s when I started to understand that thinking and reality are not the same, and that even a great idea can fail if it isn’t aligned with how people actually function.
LEGAL STORY:
I remember a very clear example from my time as a lawyer. A colleague of mine came to me with a legal problem. He explained the situation, the arguments from both sides, and what the client wanted. Very quickly, I saw the gaps and proposed a solution.
He was enthusiastic.
What I said made perfect sense to him.
But then came the next step.
He had to present the idea to the client and sometimes also to the judge or the opposing side. That is where things started to change.
The idea was no longer mine. People interpreted it, translated it, and adjusted it; at every step, it became a little weaker. In the end, what started as a clear, strong solution often became something much less effective.
That showed me something important.
A good idea in my mind may not be a good idea in your mind. It doesn’t automatically work that way.
Where Do Your Thoughts Actually Come From?
This brings us to a deeper question. Where do your thoughts actually come from? If you look closely, many of them aren’t originally yours.
They come from your past, your family, school, society, and the people around you. Over time, these influences become so familiar that you stop questioning them. You experience them as your own thinking and as part of your identity.
But in reality, much of what you think is learned, repeated, and reinforced over time.
TABULA RASA
Have you ever heard the term tabula rasa? It means a blank or unwritten slate. When we were born, we were something like that. No thoughts, no ideas, no patterns, and no problems. Just our mind.
Imagine your mind in the beginning as a blank sheet of paper, with nothing written on it. Or as a new computer with no data inside. When you are born, there is very little there, just basic potential. Then, slowly, information starts to be added. Your name, your family, your environment, and your first experiences.
Step by step, your personality begins to form, along with your identity, your core values, and your beliefs. All of this shapes how you see yourself and the world. The important part is this: you do not choose most of it consciously.
It’s written into you over time.
When Your Thoughts Become Part of You
What starts as something external slowly becomes yours, or even part of you.
Your beliefs become part of who you are.
Much of this information is stored in your subconscious mind.
You do not see it.
You do not think about it, but it is there, and it influences how you react, sometimes even more strongly than your rational thinking.
A person can know that something is safe but still react with fear or tension.
For example, someone who lived in a war environment can react to a simple loud sound as if danger were present. The rational mind understands that there is no threat, but the body reacts automatically.
This shows something very important. Your reactions are not always controlled by logic or reason. They are often shaped by deeper patterns, traumas, and your past life, built over time.
Why You Trust Your Thoughts Too Much
The problem is not that you think too little.
The problem is that you trust your thoughts too much.
Every thought feels real.
It feels logical.
It feels like the truth because it is part of you, as we said.
But most of the time, it is just a pattern repeating itself. And if you do not question it, you will build your life around it.
Start by Observing Your Thoughts
If you want to understand your life, you first have to understand your mind, not just on a theoretical level, but in the way it actually works inside you.
Instead of trying to change everything at once, start with something much simpler.
Start observing your thoughts.
Just notice them.
Which thoughts repeat?
Which ones feel limiting?
Which ones do not actually feel like yours?
Do not try to fix them immediately.
Do not fight them.
Just create a little distance.
The moment you can observe your thoughts, you are no longer completely controlled by them.
Start Working With Your Thoughts
If you want to work with your thoughts in a more practical way, you can download my free guide, Stress & Emotional Resilience.
It takes you through five simple steps to notice your thoughts, separate facts from interpretations, recognize your emotional and physical reactions, and gradually create more distance from the mental patterns that create unnecessary stress.
